HOW TO BECOME SERBIAN IN 17 STEPS
1. Honk two times when leaving someone’s house.
2. Add BRE to your sentences! BRE is universal, frequently used, Serbian word. It doesn’t mean anything but it gives certain emotional/intimate note. “Go away you idiot BRE!”
3. Create a special folder on your computer with the biggest hits of turbo-folk.
4. Greet people by kissing them three times on their cheeks.
5. Buy a big church calendar and hang it in your kitchen.
6. Eat burek with yogurt at least once a week.
7. Order RAKIJA for breakfast! Along with Turkish coffee of course! It’s a ritual that has been transmitted from generation to generation.
8. Raise first three fingers in the air when you feel patriotic.
9. Start eating bread with everything — soup, meat, potato, pasta, vegetables. White flour bread is highly recommended.
10. Name your dog Žuća.
11. You need to be informed about when Novak Djokovic is playing — at what time, channel, which city, name of the championship, who is he playing with etc! EVERYTHING!
12. Start going to the gym! You gonna need those muscles while you stand on one foot, holding a pole at 8.30AM in a public bus.
13. When someone opens a window in a bus, start yelling to close it!! Draught is a deadly disease here.
14. Get used to cigarette smoke.
15. Raise your hands in the air and shout ‘Joooooooooooj’ (YOY) when your favorite song is playing. It doesn’t matter if it’s on the radio, your favorite bar or on your phone while you’re showering.
16. Start talking really loud on the phone to your relatives that live in other countries.
17. Start talking to that grandma that is standing in the line in front of you; you never know what kind of news you will hear from her.
Sandra Petković / matadornetwork.com
